5 things about phones that annoy me!

My last rant was about people using annoying chat etiquettes. Now I think we can evolve that topic into something more mainstream, something which I'm sure you people have noticed and felt the same at one point of time in their life.
So let the countdown to annoying things about cellphones begin!

5. "Can you hear me now?"
People do this more out of need than out of necessity. Some people go out of their way for a full bar of network coverage. Ok, this may be a bit harsh and even I may be accused of doing this some times but it's really annoying when someone else does it :P.

4. "Hey dude! Check out my new smartphone man! It has extended GUI features, it's 3G and it's freaking cool man!"
*Presses menu button, HANG!
How awesome is it now? I have a cheap phone and a kickass ipod. Your phone sucks! You should consider going for something like this.

3. You are sitting in the bus, maybe having a nice shut-eye or maybe just reading a book. Then suddenly out of nowhere, some bloke begins talking on his cell phone. What's wrong, you say? I say, do you need a mic, dipshit?
Anthropologically, human's tend to make themselves noticed in a public situation. So, the general consensus is, that people need to be loud to get noticed. That is precisely what happens in buses and trains. People shouting at the top of their voices "I am ok, how are you? Ghar pe daal pak raha hai kya?"
Nothing shout's 'moron', than a loud cellphone user.

2. Blaring music at high volumes.
I'm all for Iron Maiden at high volume on my awesome 5.1 Speakers at home. But when some retard puts a Lamb of God song on their mobile phone, all you can hear is static garbage. Generally, it's always one guy showing another guy the next best song, on the bus/train journey, "Dude, check this out! Insane riffs man (play), ZHHHHHHHH Djent Djent Djent Djent ZHHHHHH! And then an understandably annoyed Marathi manoos shouts "Ai Kay re!"
Music is meant to be played at home or within the sanctity of your headphones.

(Courtesy: Ravi Shankar! copyrighted and trademarked)

1. Telemarketers!
Now for the coup de grace. Annoying fucking telelmarketers! I would go on and on about how I hate them but instead, I recommend you to watch this video. This is the best method of dealing with telemarketers. I won't speak anymore. Just shut up and watch this video!

Sounds great? NO, $OuNd$ |2et@r|)ed

As my first and official rant (just another word for the annoying term 'blog'. I hate that word.) I would like to tackle an issue that has been plaguing the online community for a very long time. I am talking of course, about 'typing etiquettes'.
How often do you come across a noob who types "Wazzaaaa !!!!! How$ yaLl dOiN 2dE !!!!!!!". What can you do?
Do you engage in a verbal duel?
Do you ban his sorry ass?

There is very little you can do. If this were to happen in person, right in front of you, you could grab it's hair, drag it to the nearest public toilet in your locality and flush it's head in the shittiest most vile pot seat. Maybe punch it in the stomach and then take it to a veterinarian. (I reject your existence as a human being, hence the usage of 'it'.)
The other day, I was reading some guy's comment on a metal band forum. He was really excited about an upcoming show, I don't know, maybe he had a boner for one of the bands. So he typed in:

" $eE yoU GuyZzZzZ @ teH sHoW \m/ \m/ ..... HoPe you CuM ...... Metchul fo|2eVa !!!!!!! "

Okay, let me walk you through some of the fundamental errors in the sentence.

1. The sentence starts after a space from the "" quotes. Maaf.

2. The use of $ instead of S is criminal yet engagingly moronic.

3. The sudden capitalization of E in 'See' is as pointless as your ugly face.

4. Replacement of the word s by z in 'guys'. Let me help you out with a simple C program.

#include[mybollz]
#include[mushrumz]
#include[gummybears]

void main()
{
char word1, word2;
word1='s';
word2='z';
if(word1!=word2)
printf("s not equal to z. Wank off ziggy bitch.");
else
printf("Megadeth owns your ass.");
}

5. Repeating the alphabet Z in guyz only hints that you like to sleep with guys. Didn't understand? zzzz is synonymous with sleeping and add that as a suffix to the word guy you can only get one relation. Horny?
6. It's bad enough that you haven't followed the above rules till now. Add to that, a spelling mistake! Now you sure as hell are doomed to an eternity of playing grab ass with Satan! The basic 3 letters of the English language which is practically used in every sentence- 'the' not 'teh'. If you can't even get that one right, I wonder if you can even brush your teeth in the morning.

7. The use of '\m/' has become pretty mundane nowadays. You can even see Hindi solo Pop artists doing that gesture on T.V just to look cool. Please use this gesture very sparingly. Do not use it in instances like "I just bought myself a shirt \m/" or "Had a nice day today \m/". Do you seriously want me to stomp down your neck with my size 10 hard sole Woodland shoes \m/ \m/?


8. ....... Fill in the blanks? Go fuck yourself.

9. Cum. Sure, I'll cum. I'll cum everywhere!

10. Metchul. Really? Just because some Anti-Pope bloke from Norway cannot pronounce 'Metal' doesn't mean you go around modifying word. You aren't Shakespeare! Only he gets to fuck around with English. Thou shalt not shove a rod down thine ass.

11. fo|2eVa. I'm tired. Why don't you just do me a favour and go die? It would be easier on my fingers.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN CAPS!


Scared yet? You should be.
CAPS is the key on the extreme left side of your keyboard which converts the lower case alphabets to upper case alphabets when toggled on.


Please do not annoy me with hate mails and/or mails about freedom of online expression. If you have a problem, I'll send my specially cloned breeds of Shaolin Shiv Sena Ninja's (SSS ninja's) to mess you up. You don't believe me? Ask this guy.